It’s not you, it’s me

You might have heard it before “it’s not you, it’s me” and it probably wasn’t well received. Well, I haven’t blogged in a while and trust me when I say, it’s not you, it’s me. I just haven’t felt like taking the time to do so.

We have been doing a lot together as a family, which keeps us busy, but I have felt drained lately. At the end of the day I sit down and the overwhelming list I want to accomplish before I head to bed sits unchecked. Blogging is one of the things on said list.

I want to remember these days of our life. I want to remember the cute things the kids did, the thoughtful words they used, the innocent things that they shared, the meaningful devotions we had, but I am so tired from all of it most of the time. My brain is full and I don’t know how to get it all out.

This week was somewhat bad for me. We were scheduled to get back into school. I hadn’t planned on doing a lot this week, but I wanted to get back into it. Then life happened. Our new dog, Lance, decided to hang out with his new friends…by jumping the fence over to the neighbor’s house to do so. Then Vincent came down with strep. For the 6th time in 6 months. Now we have an ENT referral so he can have his tonsils taken out. On top of this and the other things that I was trying to accomplish this week (all after our Christmas break), the kids started complaining about something I did at their birthday party, last summer. Then one of them mentioned that I was angry today and prayed that I wouldn’t be so angry. I was angry one time today. The rest of the day I was happily playing, reading, teaching, etc. ONE PART OF OUR DAY & and *THAT* is what they chose to remember??

I guess you can say I lost it after that. Tears streaming down my eyes, blubbering like a baby. All of the stress from the day, the week, the entire past year and the anticipation of the upcoming year long TDY. Yes, you read that right, Brian will be gone for a year. He leaves in March sometime for Honduras. The kids don’t know. So to top it all off I feel like I am keeping some deep dark secret from my kids. We are trying to protect them from the anticipation of Brian leaving. Anyway…so yeah, sadness and stress rolled into one big tear stained mess. That is pretty much me folks.

I know I will get back into the swing of things again soon. In fact I feel better just sharing what I have. I hate that we are gearing up for our 4th military separation (aside from Basic, AIT, and several training and shorter TDY trips). It isn’t a deployment, it is a temporary duty (hence the name TDY) move. It is much safer than an actual deployment. Brian will be in the same time zone as us and he will have internet! I should be (and I am) thrilled that he isn’t be deployed, but I want my husband around. I want to be with him. I don’t want to do this alone.

I have and will continue to fully support him in his career, but I am still allowed to be sad about this. I will be back and into blogging soon. Until then enjoy my 365 daily photo challenge (AKA my diversion for the time being).

oh yeah, could you pray for us? I know I could sure use it. thanks.

Updated: January 7, 2012 — 4:30 am
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