Let the hard times begin!

I have been posting on this blog for almost a year.  I have shared a lot, but I think this time right now has got to be the lowest of all.  I haven’t been around much because I feel like I can post about things, but it will be with a heavy heart.  I can act like I am happy and share with you all of the great things the kids are doing, but I won’t be able to put as much emotion into as I would like, which would be an injustice to my wonderful kids accomplishments. 
For instance I can tell you that Jack now blows kisses, says hi and bye, waves both hi and bye, pulls up on everything, says “vrrrm” when he pushes his truck along (or even looks for it), or how he says up when he wants me to pull him up with my hands.  I can share with you how Ruby also blows kisses, says hi and bye (very excitedly I might add), waves both, pulls up  mainly on me, eats baby food (horray!), is teething badly (it’s about time she finally gets a tooth!), loves to jump in the jumparoo, is about to outgrow her carseat but still has tiny petite feet, or tell you that she loves and I mean loves her duckies in the bathtub. 
I want to tell you about all of these things.  Instead all I can think about is one thing.  Their Daddy.  He has an all expense paid trip to Asia coming up.  The Middle East more specifically.  Afghanistan to be exact.  His trip should last a year. 
We are blessed actually.  Most families in Brian’s profession are home for a year, then leave for a year.  Some more and some less.  Brian has been with out a deployment for TWO whole years.  He has been gone for numerous trainings, so he has been apart from our family.  However, he hasn’t been deployed in 2 years.  He hasn’t been to a war zone in 3 1/2 years.  The first time was a cake walk compared to this.  It was me and Vincent back home.  We had our cute little family with a newborn who knew no differently.  It was difficult, only because I missed him so much.  I could easily manage the house on my own and all the “requirements” of single parenting.  I look back and can’t believe I ever thought I had it hard.  Now, I am worried.  Freaking out would describe it best actually. 

Brian is amazing to our family.  Like all of us (me especially) he has his faults, quirks if you were.  Aside from those minor details, he is amazing.  He is a huge help to our family.  How many guys do you know that willingly change diapers?  Wash them??  Yeah.  He takes care of our kitchen daily and rarely complains on laundry folding night.  While help is great and all for me, I will miss my best friend. 

Not to brag, but I can do the daily tasks with out him, I just don’t want to.  He is so much fun to be around.  He is the break in my day that I so desire.  His lounge type songs he makes up while doing dishes or bathing the kids are downright silly, but bring a smile to my face.  The funny faces he creates with the kiddos are spontaneous and fun.  His ever changing nick names for the babies (and at times big kids…”sweety mckgirlicudy”) stick because they are so cute. 

Speaking of the kids, I worry about them the most.  I know Vincent is going to miss his Daddy the most.  This is the first year he will realize the impact of Brian’s deployment.  During the first and second deployment Vincent was still a baby/toddler and didn’t quite know the concept of time.  The pattern of Daddy goes to work then comes home hadn’t quite sunk in yet.  Vincent now understands and I can tell he is upset.  It breaks my heart. 

While Kenniston is just shy of 3 years old, I know she will begin to understand as well.  Brian is “her Daddy.”  She knows batting her eyelashes and flashing her sweet smile will get her far with Daddy.  I know she will ask regularly when “her Daddy” will be home.  Dread having to tell her “early 2010.”

Thankfully the twins are definitly too young to really be impacted by this deployment.  Ruby gets very happy when Brian is around as does Jack.  I know they will love watching Daddy videos and really enjoy our trip during R&R (the mid-tour break), but I don’t think it will be nearly as tramatic as the older kiddos.

Please, please, bear with me as we get over the next few weeks.  I have not been around lately because of a number of reasons, but mainly because of this looming funk thanks to the upcoming deployment.  If anything, please just pray that God carries us through this hard time.

Updated: January 10, 2009 — 7:19 am


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  1. Kelly sweetie, I could say so much at this moment but I think right now all you need is a great big hug. I know it’s not the real thing but I’m sending you a big hug and tons of well wishes/prayers through the internet. You are a strong woman. It’s not gonna be easy on you or the kids but just remember that each passing day will bring Brian one day closer to coming home to you and the kids. And if it makes you feel better we’re looking at Phil’s 5th in 7 years coming up this following Oct unless he can manage to find away out of it. BIG hugs, I’ll be thinking of you and the family throughout all of this.

  2. Oh, Kelly, I’m crying actual big tears as I read this post and as I’m replying! Please know you (all of you) have our love and prayers during this awful time. I, too, feel Vincent will feel this absence the most, being the oldest child. I know he does feel a responsibility known only to oldest children, of which I am one (You are too) We just want to fix things and make everyone feel better. But I think this time only God can do that. I agree w/ Sheila, you ARE a strong woman and will get through this. But that doesn’t mean you won’t hurt and miss Brian a lot. You’re a magnificent mother and I know you’ll do the best by your children– my grandchildren. I coudn’t ask for more. We love you so much.

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