The day I wanted to throw in the towel…

Yesterday Kenniston woke up with a tummy ache. Said tummy ache progressed into a puke fest. Thankfully Brian was home during a part of it (and helped clean up the mess), while a friend was over for the second half (and helped at that time as well).

After a lovely day of schooling the kids and dealing with puke fest, I was exhausted. However, I did not get much sleep. Between waking up to “for the first time in FOOOOORRREEEEVERRRRR,” from the Frozen soundtrack (ahem, thank you Kenniston) and someone blowing his nose at 5am, my sleep was choppy and short at best.

I woke up and wanted to be grouchy. I begged to be grouchy. Then I felt kind of ill. I was shaky, then sweaty, then freezing. Oh crap. I was getting sick. And then a friend texted me to let me know that infant daughter was being hospitalized because she was very ill.

I wanted even more so to be grouchy.

Our day progressed, the kids all did school, and I felt crummy, but somehow I was just not as grouchy as I wanted to be. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I was going on a few hours of sleep, and oh yeah. I WAS OUT OF COFFEE!!!

I finally had the chance to lay down and close my eyes for a few moments, when I got a text, a got an email about some not so good things happening with our co-op, someone came to the door, a kid asked me a question, and then I got a really really crappy phone call. Sorry to say, but it is one I can’t discuss. It is a family matter, but I will say someone close to me made some bad decisions and years later they are coming back to add to the family stress.

Meanwhile, my kids were awesome. Sweet Kenniston cheerfully offered to make dinner (clearly my bootie was not going to leave this chair!), Brian took care of somethings with Vincent, Jack and Ruby fetched water, tea, and crackers for me while I lay feeling helpless in my puffy recliner. I felt grouchy and sick.

I wanted to throw the towel in. I wanted to walk. I wanted to go for a run (yeah, I know, If I was able to I probably would have puked afterwards thanks to my ill tummy). I was just DONE with this whole stupid hurt-foot-tummy-ache-school-issues-legal-issues-life-beating-me-down JUNK.

As I was in another room I heard Kenniston say to Brian “Daddy, I wish mommy felt better so she could photograph the golden hour!” Brian told her that she should photograph it instead. She came running to the room I was in and asked to use a camera to do so. I allowed her to use my iphone (I didn’t have enough time to pull out my DSLR to allow her to use it) and run outside to snap a few photos.

She proudly came in and showed me her favorite photo. It was spectacular.

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She was so excited to show us what she had captured. With just my iphone she composed the photo beautifully. I am so proud of her. With just the photo I remembered that I didn’t have to be defeated. I didn’t have to be grouchy. Even at the end of a very hard day I could still see the beauty that God has created all around me.

After the kids had gone to bed I still found myself crying in Brian’s arms, the day was just overwhelming, but not too overwhelming. God will still take care of us. Tomorrow I will (hopefully) feel better. Everyday my ankle will heal and become flexible again. One day, months from now, I will be able to run again. The family issues will be resolved and my siblings, grandparents, and I will still have each other. My friend’s daughter will continue to improve. Our co-op will have some amazingly wonderful teachers and children. It will all work out and God will be there taking care of all of it.

Updated: January 22, 2014 — 11:14 pm

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